(F)ailure Focused or Forward Focused?

How many times have you ever felt like you have failed at something?  If you were me, the answer can sometimes be many.  It’s easy to get caught up in those failures, and let them bring you down.  But hopefully, you can learn from each perceived failure and turn it into something good.  Some of my biggest failures, have brought about the biggest changes, and even success, in my life.

For example,  last weekend I should have celebrated by 6th wedding anniversary.  But about 5 weeks before the wedding, I found out some things about my fiance that I could not accept, and we called off the wedding. I had so many emotions about the whole experience, such as self-doubt, anger, sadness, etc. and also felt like a failure: to my self, to my friends and family, and just in my whole decision making process.  But what I failed to see at the time, and have come to realize, it that in my “failure” of an engagement/wedding, I was protected from a life that was not supposed to be, from a man I was not supposed to be with, and I have grown so much personally and emotionally from that experience, that I have become a much stronger and better person. I was also able to later help friends that went through similar situations; what a blessing that was.  The whole “failure” turned into a blessing/success.

Now I will tell you that in the years that followed, I sometimes found myself looking back, focused on the failure, wondering how my life would have been different, and occasionally getting caught up in the “failure” of my life plan (i.e. not being married with 2.5 kids by the time I’m 30).  I would get all depressed thinking about it all.  I would constantly compare my life with those of my friends around me, and get stuck in the feeling sorry for myself rut.  But in the last year or two, something inside of me has changed. I am no longer focused on the failure aspect of it, and am now more forward focused.  I look forward to finding whoever it is that God has for me to be with.  I look forward to using my current independence to do the things I want to do, and be able to have the freedom to do what I want, when I want, without having to worry about other people.  I don’t want to dwell on the “what ifs” and “what should have beens” and “what I wanted to have happened by nows”.  I want to look ahead and embrace whatever is coming next.

Do you focus on your failures or are you more forward focused? Describe a time when a failure turned out to be a blessing in disguise.

This post is part of a month-long series, A-Z, that I am participating in for the month of April.  You can learn more about it by clicking on the link over on the right sidebar.

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About Stacey

Life is a journey that I believe we are meant to walk together...so please Walk a Mile with me. View all posts by Stacey

17 responses to “(F)ailure Focused or Forward Focused?

  • eof737

    For every disappointment, there is a blessing. You moved forward and all is working out. :-0
    Eliz

  • mairedubhtx

    I completely agree with you. Sometimes the failure is for the best. My second marriage was that way. I was determined to stick it out but my husband divorced me. It was one of the best things that could have happened to me. I needed to get out of that marriage, and the failure was not entirely my fault. No matter. Failure at that time was a good thing.

  • liannouwen

    You always have such wise posts and good advice. I’m glad you got over the failure feeling for not getting married. If he wasn’t the one it’s good you found out before you were married!

  • Sandi Ormsby

    I found when you stop trying to “control” everything, GOD will then show you what he has in mind for you. I met my husband at 25 (working for him) and at that time, I had left a boyfriend that was more like a husband. We bought a house together, etc. I realized, that relationship was not healthy for me and we didn’t love each other…so in my journey to move on, I had a huge lonely period. My now husband, was just my boss then. I only ended up working for his company just shy of a year and then changed jobs. About a year later (26 yrs) we hung out a few times…he called those (3x)dates…I called it hanging out…I moved and didn’t tell him, and basically waited another couple of years…I was 28 when we started dating and dated for 4 years before getting engaged!

    I was 32 when we married and when I had my son. That wasn’t my timeline. In fact, by that point I figured I’d be single the rest of my life.

    When I kept trying to control, I ended up in a bad relatioship. When I finally accepted and stopped “looking” GOD said see, now you see.

    It’s not our timeline, but GODS. 🙂
    Sandi
    http://www.ahhsome.wordpress.com

  • Piglet in Portugal

    Sounds like you had a lucky escape! Your action still took courage…

  • Patti

    I’m so happy for you, that you “failed” in this particular way. It would have been so much worse had you gone ahead and failed in your marriage. I’m sure it was a tough and painful decision and one that you were right to make.

  • FAITH…(a-z challenge) | jeanne's blog

    […] (F)ailure Focused or Forward Focused(staceyarcher.wordpress.com) […]

  • Stephanie

    Hey Stacey! Just wanted to let you know…I changed my url. Sorry! It’s Wheninthecountry!

  • Tonya

    Thank you for a very insightful and thought provoking post.

    I’ve certainly had failures in my life…. times when I didn’t show up or give 100%, one failed marriage, loss and grief and everything in between. But, I chose to get up every morning and pres son and do the best I can and learn from my mistakes. Because for every disappointment, there is a joy. And a lesson to be learned.

    Stopping by from Robin’s Fledgling Fridays.

  • Jessica

    I feel like a failure many times in my life but instead of dwelling on that feeling I try to stay positive and make changes.

  • MamaRobinJ

    Good for you! I fully believe that everything happens for a reason, and I think avoiding a relationship that wasn’t comfortable for you is a GREAT thing.

    I used to think of jobs I didn’t get as failures, but now I see those rejections just put me on the right path.

    I’ve struggled with my “failure” as a mother for almost 3 years now, and am finally, once and for all, trying to put that past me.

    Thanks for linking up!

    • Stacey

      Thanks MamaRobin. It is so great when we can finally look at what we thought of as failure and see it as something that shaped us/guided us into the direction we were meant to go in.

  • Martha (MM)

    I am definitely a forget failure person. I practice an attitude of gratitude – so fortunate for all I do have and all that’s right in my life, always stay focused forward!

    Thanks for stopping by 🙂

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